tough decisions

Well it may not seem tough to some people, but it was tough for me! If you don't want to read about why I stopped breastfeeding, you might want to skip this post...

When Levi was born I knew that I wanted to breastfeed, but I didn't realize how hard it would be. We had a tough first couple of weeks. Levi had a tongue-tie when he was born, so he didn't have the greatest latch right off the bat, and my nips got really sore and cracked even though I was using lanolin. That, along with worrying too much about things that I realize now were not such a big deal, made for quite a few tears on my part. It didn't help that we went through two rounds of meds for thrush. NOT fun. I thought about quitting a lot, but there was always something telling me to keep going. Like I knew I would regret it if I did. So we went week by week, and eventually it did get easier. Levi got his tongue clipped, so he was able to latch on better, and I got more comfortable with everything. I actually really enjoyed it. I loved having that bond and feeling so close to him.

Levi never really had a problem taking the bottle, so when he went to daycare at six weeks when I went back to work part time, it didn't bother him. I pumped and froze the breastmilk, which wasn't a lot of fun, but it's what I had to do. So from about 2 months until recently, it was pretty smooth sailing.

When Levi was about five months is when things started to get upset. My supply dropped a bit when I was pumping, so we decided to mix a little bit of formula with the breastmilk to make it go further. It didn't seem to bother him. Right about that time, we switched him up to a medium-flow nipple on the bottle. He seemed fine with that, too. All was mostly normal for about a week, then he decided that he didn't want to take the bottle anymore. He would go all day at daycare and only drink 3-4 oz, then when we got home, he was so hungry he'd just pull at me until we sat down to nurse. Up until then, I had been giving him a bottle at night on days I worked, since when I pumped I didn't feel like I had enough for him when I got home. That was working well until he didn't want to take it anymore. And when he wasn't eating during the day very well, he would wake up every few hours and want to eat at night to make up for it.

We tried different bottles, with different nipples, straight breastmilk without the formula...nothing seemed to make a difference. Then one day Michele (daycare mom) tried straight formula, just to see if he would take it because she knew he had to be getting hungry. He drank 4 oz right away. So she called me at work to make sure that was ok to give him straight formula, and I told her to go for it as long as he was eating something. So we figure he associated the breastmilk to me, and he didn't want to take it in a bottle. I was actually sort of happy, because I thought I could stop pumping, and still nurse in the mornings and at night. Not so much. Levi didn't want to take a bottle from me whatsoever. Which means I would have had to pump at work to keep  my supply up in order to nurse him at home, but if he wouldn't take it in a bottle at daycare it would be going to waste. There was really no simple solution.

So after lots of talking with Paul, my mom, and Paul's mom, I just decided to stop. My goal was 6 months, and I almost made that, even though I probably would have gone awhile longer if it worked out. I never thought it would be so hard to stop. I know he will grow and be healthy on formula as well, but it's the closeness and cuddle time that I will miss the most. It was the hardest thing ever to have to try and get him the bottle when all he wanted to do was nurse, and that's really all I wanted to do to. I still wonder if I did the right thing, or if I should have tried harder to figure something else out. Everyone told me it would be the best for him in the long run to just have one option. No turning back now, I just have to trust that I made the right decision. He seems to be adjusting fine after the first couple days, so that helps too.

Sorry this got super long. I just felt like I wanted to write (or type) it down somewhere so I remember how I felt at the time. Hopefully I didn't forget too much.

currently

FEELING tired. sore. achy. I guess that's what shopping all morning and being on your feet most of the day will do.

HOPING that harvest goes well and is done before too late this year. So far so good.

NEEDING a massage...my neck and shoulders are so tight. Pretty sure it is from always having a munchkin in my arms.

WISHING that money grew on trees. Ha.

LOVING all the new things that Levi is learning lately. Blowing bubbles, putting his paci back in his own mouth, up on all fours, scooting/army crawling to get where he wants, and just today he starting lifting his butt up so he'll be on just his hands and feet. He is such a goof. Love that little booger.

WORRYING about weaning Levi from nursing. I was planning on doing it at 6 months, but I am having second thoughts at times. It doesn't help that he won't take a bottle from me anymore. Apparently he wised up and decided that I want the real deal from mom! That is a whole nother topic that I will probably end up going into more detail on in his 6 month post. Or not. Depends if it's resolved and if I remember. Ha.

WONDERING if I will ever lose these last 10 pounds and feel like I look good again. Hopefully this winter if Paul is home more to watch Levi I can get some workouts in. My biggest problem is watching what I eat. I try, but it's so hard!! I have a love/hate relationship with food. I have a crappy metabolism too, always have. Aaaanyways....

EXCITED for Levi's 6 month pictures on Tuesday!!! Stephanie Foto from Morris is going to be taking them. From what I've seen, she does a great job. Hopefully he'll cooperate and not be a cranky pants! My mom is going to come with so that will be nice too. I will share them as soon as I get the cd I'm sure!

Caramel Apple Cheesecake Bars with Streusel Topping

I made these last weekend for a family get together and they were a hit! SO GOOD! I never thought to take a picture, but just wanted to share the link to where I found the recipe.  Get it HERE.
You definitely won't be disappointed.

pickin' pumpkins!

Last night Paul was home right after work, so we took Levi to a little pumpkin patch outside of town. They were very reasonably priced, so we got a bunch of nice ones! They had quite a variety too. Of course I had to snap a few pictures!

 

Levi was more interested in pulling the grass and seeing how much he could get in his hands than looking at me to take a picture. In this one I think he is looking at the dog that was running around...who also thought it necessary to give Levi kisses. Good thing it was bath night.

It was a fun little adventure! Paul and I always enjoy visiting local places like this. Next time we visit my mom and dad, Levi has a few pumpkins waiting for him at Grandpa's pumpkin patch too! :)

jumperoo!

 Some friends of ours borrowed their jumperoo to us recently, after we visited them and Levi had so much fun in it! He also gets to play in one at daycare. I think he likes this thing better than the exersaucer...he is happy in it for a longer period of time at least! :) Such a goof!

5 months

Time again to do another update! Seems like the months just keep going faster!! I can't believe my little munchkin is already 5 months old. And next month he will be half a year old! Ack! It makes me happy and a little sad at the same time. I love watching him grow, but I will miss him being little too! Anyhoo, here's the monthly pic of little mr. It's getting harder and harder to get a good pic of him sitting there...he wants to lunge forward and grab his feet, or the camera, or anything within reach! :)

 

 Levi at 5 months:

about 18 lbs, weighed at home

I could not get him to lay still long enough to measure him, so not sure!

moving into 6-9 month clothing

still in size 3 dipes

still nursing/pumping, but we've started mixing a little formula at daycare b/c I don't get quite enough

having rice cereal mixed with a little formula. just started 2x a day last week. he doesn't take much at daycare, but he'll usually do pretty good for me. some days he likes it, some days he's not real interested

rolling from back to tummy, and just started getting up on all fours! he's starting to figure out how to push forward when he gets on his hands and knees to get to something

loves being outside

when we get home from daycare the first thing he does when I take him out of his car seat is grab my face and sucks/bites at my cheeks and nose. It's so sweet :) 

Still working on sleeping....some nights are ok, some nights suck. I'm pretty sure we will be doing some sleep-training in the next month or so.

naps are hit and miss. usually he'll take a decent morning one and sometimes a good one in the afternoon. he seems to do better at daycare than at home with naps.

has not been wanting to take a bottle at daycare or from me for the past few weeks. we've tried different bottles, different temps, etc. but he I think we've concluded that he's just being stubborn because he just wants to nurse. I think this also has something to do with him waking up so much at night lately...maybe has his nights and days confused when it comes to eating. he's gotten into a cycle of not eating during the day, so he's hungry at night, then he fills up at night and isn't as hungry during the day. makes sense right? not so much? who knows...

starting to sit up. pretty soon! he still wants to lean forward to get at toys

if he's on a blanket on the floor playing, he'll pull the blanket to get the toys he wants closer

pretty much everyone (grandmas, aunties, etc.) thinks he's working on getting some teeth...so we'll see what happens in the next few weeks!

that's all I can think of for now, so here are some pictures from the past month!

currently

HOPING that Levi continues to make progress in the sleeping dept....the last 3 nights he's been doing great! Up only once to nurse then usually back to sleep for a few more hours. Fingers crossed that it will keep getting better and longer stretches! :)

WISHING that my house would clean itself. And stay that way. Lol. I like my house to be picked up and clean, but it's a wee bit harder to do when you have a little one to play with. I wasn't a great house keeper to begin with anyways, much to Paul's dismay.

PLANNING on baking some fresh bread tomorrow. Haven't done it for awhile and it just sounds yummy.

EATING a Schwan's Caramel Apple Pop. Actually just finished it. Love them! Made sure I got an extra box this month since they are seasonal and won't be back til next summer.

LISTENING to the crickets outside the open windows.

ENJOYING the cool evenings and nice days lately.

SAVORING every moment with Levi as he keeps growing and learning new things every day. Such as:

Yep. Up on all fours now. Well, mostly. :)

EXCITED to go shopping next weekend. Trying to figure out how I can get all the things I need (or want) without spending a fortune.

READY for bed. Good night!